Today I take my glucose test. (As I type this, I am so hungry and thirsty I can hardly stand it!)
& tonight we register.
I tried to do my "homework" to prepare for tonight's expedition. I pre-registered with our information on-line, printed off the "what you need" lists, crossed off the things I don't think we'll need, and added a few that I think we will. Then it hit me.
I have no idea what in the world I'm doing.
I don't know what half of the things on this list are (neck wings? convertible car seat? what the...?), and to be honest with you, I felt overwhelmed, incompetent, and scared for the first time in my pregnancy. It wasn't at all about the registry, though that's what provoked the breakdown. I just finally realized that no "preparation" on my part is going to truly prepare me for what's to come.
So I spent the next 15 minutes pacing the church's nursery blubbering on the phone to my sister (literally...I'm pretty sure she had no idea what I was crying about for the first 60 seconds of our conversation), dabbing at my mascara runs, and holding tissues in between each of my arm pits (it was hot in there).
She told me sweet things about how every momma-to-be feels this way, that no one really knows what they're doing, and that once Graham is here it will all become more natural than I ever thought possible. She encouraged me and told me that I am going to be an amazing mother. And that our little family will be just fine. And that I'm not alone.
So I stopped crying and took a breath and said a prayer. I felt Graham kick me good and hard, as if to say It's okay, momma- we'll learn together. And today, I once again feel empowered for the journey that's ahead of me. (the child-raising, not the registering.)
This morning there are a few things that I'm grateful for:
-for my big sister, who has always been one step ahead of me in life but has always walked beside me
-that God created me just as I am, insecurities and all, so I can depend on his power to cover my weaknesses
-for the hope that these mother instincts truly will kick in once that babe is in my arms
-and for the fact that this happened yesterday afternoon and not tonight in the diaper rash cream aisle
Hope your weekend is full of things you're grateful for, too.