what no one told me.

Sometimes, the most challenging part of the day is getting dressed. My jeans are getting snugger by the minute, my skirts hit my tummy in an awkward place, and my favorite dresses are too snug to even think about zipping. Together this leaves me with yoga pants and pajamas, which I find myself in often.

No one told me about this...sausage phase.* You know, the in between...where I don't yet have the firm, noticeably pregnant belly. Instead, I just look like...a sausage. Round all over and without any definition.

I have worked on building self-confidence my entire life. My pre-puberty chubby stage has haunted me for years, thanks to mean-spirited, yet naive, elementary aged children. Maybe some women never struggle with all the physical changes that come along with being pregnant. By the stuff that people say out there, many of them seem to just enjoy the glow and the extra plumpness in certain unmentionable areas. However, I think this stage of pregnancy would be challenging for any woman who has devoted such time and energy to making progress in the I-am-beautiful department.

The other day I had a 30-minute break down. I was sitting on the couch with Danny and I had just changed from jeans-that-better-still-fit-or-else into hello-wonderful-stretchy-breathable-pajamas. As I was sitting there, I lifted my shirt to look at what progress the babe had made throughout the day...and I saw them. Three little lines. & I completely lost it. For 30 minutes. Over stretch marks.

Danny let me cry it out. And by cry it out, I mean CRY. IT. OUT. And while I cried and managed to get out the words "...but I don't want stretch marks" in between sobs, he stroked my hair and let my sweaty forehead rest against his chest. Finally, when I was all dried up, he said, "Honey, let me see."

I lifted my shirt, and they were gone. The "stretch marks"...aka the fabric lines from squeezing into my jeans.

Ah, humility. 'Tis a good thing, no?

Well, I have since been of a more sober mind. Yes, my body looks like a sausage. Yes, it is highly likely that stretch marks will really come and be here to stay in the coming months. Yes, the pounds on the scale are slowly crawling to heights I have never before imagined. And yes, I sometimes feel like my 24-year long process with self-esteem may have back tracked a bit.

But...

Yes, my body is actually growing a baby. Yes, my body is preparing for everything from delivery to breastfeeding. Yes, my fatigue is all due to the fact that our baby now has fingerprints! Yes, my stomach really will stretch to fit a full-term babe. And yes, my belly button has never been cleaner.

Yes...it is all quite a miracle.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made... Psalm 139:14

Don't say I never told you.

*the terminology is more than perfectly descriptive. it resulted from a conversation I had with my dear friend Eri earlier this week about this very subject.

16 weeks.

Hello my little one,

You are growing so much! I notice a difference every single day. Supposedly there is a big growth spurt ahead of us, so both you and I should be doing a lot of growing in the coming weeks! I should also start feeling you moving around in there any day now. Several times throughout the day I'll lay super still, hoping for a little movement. Nothing yet, so feel free to wiggle around in there, baby- momma wants to feel you!

It is hot out here. I am so glad you're enjoying the inside life for now. Don't worry- when you join us it will be nice and cool out here, though I promise to still keep you warm. Other than having to endure the heat, I am feeling wonderful. Daddy and I have been spending the evenings on walks or reading on our front porch. I also do pilates everyday and it has been such a refreshing experience for me. This is supposed to help with your delivery in 6 months, which keeps me more than motivated.

There are only 23 days left until we find out if you're a little boy or girl. We can't wait to call you by name! What's really amazing is the fact that our Lord already knows your name, as well as all the days of your life. He truly is a wonderful Creator- I know that full well.

I love you so,

Momma

we were doing things.

Oh friends, we'll have to wait until tomorrow for the 16 week post. This weekend we were so busy that the sun was down before we had time to take a picture. We were doing things like this:

-having a BBQ

-charades around a fire

-s'mores

-sleeping in

-lounging in bed (my fav!)

-walking the pup

-a little trip to Treasures & Junk

-walking around our first estate sale

-celebrating one of our dearest students' graduations

-watching The Tourist

-church

-grocery shopping

-grass watering

-driving our students up to summer camp

-sharing about Israel at our church's night service

-a drive through Taco Bell for one of us (Mexican pizza!!!!!)

-an evening walk

-falling asleep on the couch

So, now I have a day off to recover from the weekend. Ah, so there is life after grad school!

See you tomorrow. xo.

we win.

Monday afternoon was a doozy, as was yesterday. It is officially summer here in Southern California. While I welcome it as one season closer to winter (& my babe), I wouldn't mind if it suddenly decided to pick up and leave.

The heat has reminded me what it's like to live in a home without air. My afternoon naps are just as enjoyable, until I wake up with sweaty strands of hair on my neck and a discomfort that lasts until the sun sets. And then there's the oven.

Ah, and the oven. If you remember, the majority of our warm months last year were manageable because our oven had failed us. Now that we have an oven, I use it. All the time. But when Monday afternoon rolled around and I knew chicken pot pie was on the dinner menu, I dreaded it, knowing what it would to do our already hot house. So I decided to make the best of it. I made my pot pie for 45 minutes. Then two batches of granola for an hour. Then oatmeal raisin cookies because, obviously, the baby wanted rolled oats in another form, too.

By 7 pm we were heated out of our home. The open windows and bursts of breeze here and there simply weren't enough. So we sat on the porch in our new yellow adirondack chairs and read. Him, Harry Potter #4. Me, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. And it was there that our little family let the cool winds of summer sweep us up to a better place.

Dear summer,

We win.

Love,

The Mr, the Mrs, the furball, and the bun (& pot pie & granola & cookies) in the oven

if only they were here.

Being in this new season of life has really made us mourn family members who have passed in a new, fresh way. Danny and I talk about them often- my dad, his mom, my grandparents, his grandpa...If only they were here and a sigh is typically how the conversation ends. Then we stare blankly at the wall or the front door, until we're comfortable moving on to the next thing.

This is a picture of me and my grandma. She was the sweetest, most wonderful woman. I remember walking into her home and always seeing her at this cutting board, usually chopping cilantro. She would always greet me with that big smile and a Hello mija! You look so beautiful today! If only she was here to learn she was going to be a great grandma again! I can almost here the echo of her voice saying, Oh mija, I am so happy for you!

So for now we cling to the memories. Of my dad laughing so hard milk came out his nose at the dinner table. Of his mom bringing home 6 pairs of jeans for Danny to try on, and then returning the other five. Of cilantro and birthday cakes on Christmas and big brown couches and Ritz crackers and the incomparable smell of family during the holidays.

And we keep the memories alive. Me through my dad's eyes- him through his mom's smile. And we also cling to the fact that now we will be the "grown ups". You know, the ones who wrap the presents and wash the dishes and make the holiday smells come to life. And I'll be the mom, and he'll be the dad. What a sweet reality.

Ah yes, life isn't always easy. But it sure is always beautiful.

15 weeks.

Dear baby,

We are changing things up this week. So far, your wonderful mom has been writing to you on her blog, but I get to do a guest appearance this week.

The first thing I want to say is “HAPPY 15 WEEK BIRTHDAY!!!” Some may think it is silly to celebrate 15 weeks, but with all the growing you are doing, you deserve some celebrating (maybe mom will eat some cake for you :).

I want you to know that your mom and I talk and think about you all the time. I am so happy that I get to be your dad. Just so you know, I have your pictures up all over my desk at work and I tell everyone at work how much I love you. Sometimes when I really think about you, I could cry because you mean that much to me already – that is how intense this father thing is. My beautiful boy or girl, you are loved by your daddy.

When I am at work I like to think about the things we are going to do together. Here are a few things you can look forward to: taking Den Den on walks, making mom pancakes in the morning, going on family road trips, holding hands, reading books (I’ll do the reading for the first few years), camping, teaching you to ride a bike, teaching you every musical instrument I can play, talking about how amazing mom is, and most of all, teaching you how to live a life that pleases God. The last one is the hardest, but I am going to try my very best…. I promise.

Keep the good work baby Unt! You mom and I couldn’t be more proud of you. You are the size of an avocado this week… and I sure do like me some guacamole!

Love,

Dad

P.S. I had my first Father’s Day yesterday because you! Not only do I get to be a father to you, but I get an extra holiday – you really are a blessing to my life :)

dream.

Have you heard of Priscilla Ahn? This is my new jam. I first heard it at my niece's dance recital a couple weeks ago and have been in love with it since. I am too embarrassed to tell you how many times a day I've been listening to it. Let's just say, Danny caught me in the act the other day so I'm trying to limit myself. But work hours are free to replay & replay to my heart's desire!

a wave & a profile.

In addition to my regular doctor appointments, I am going to a perinatal center monthly because of this. So far, they haven't labeled us as "high-risk", which is such an answer to prayer! Plus, I don't mind the extra visits- it only means more ultrasounds with better equipment!

Today we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. We also saw his or her little profile and five tiny fingers waving hello! (it took some hard work- this baby is ACTIVE!) Gosh, I am on cloud nine over here. We are so in love.

Thank you, Jesus.

i love pilates.

I can't rant & rave about this pilates dvd enough. My friend Robyn* & I have committed to pilates workouts (her- 10 minute solutions for beginners, me- prenatal) everyday for 30 days. My oh my, it was the best decision ever.

It breaks into 5 different 10-minute sessions, so I can work out for 10 to 50 minutes, depending on how I feel for that day. On top of the convenience, I love the way this makes my body feel. The stretching, the burning, the breathing- it is wonderful, I tell you. Today is day 5 and I already feel a little difference in the way my jeans fit, even with this growing belly! What better way to combat the my stomach looks pudgy, not pregnant feeling than to have a daily sweat session? There is no better way.

Prenatal pilates, I love you.

ps. Have you seen the little poll to the right? Feel free to take a guess as to what our babe will be!

*Can I also just rant & rave about Robyn for a moment? 30 minutes after I made a facebook comment about craving cherry poptarts, she was at my door with a box. This is one of the many, many, many reasons why I love that girl.

14 weeks.

My baby,

Guess what? Your daddy and I bought you a crib this weekend! We've been eyeing it for you and found one at a great price. On our drive home from picking it up I kept dreaming about what you will look like in it...your little tear streaked face in the middle of the night, or your sweet smile when you wake up in the morning, ready to start our day together. Right now it's sitting against the wall in your future room and every time I walk by it puts a smile on my face. Did you know that I used to sleep in one just like it when I was a baby? I think that's pretty special!

This weekend we found some special things at your Pop Pop's house. Daddy found his old baby blanket that is green and white gingham! We brought it home so you could use it in 6 short months. We also found a lot of old pictures of your daddy as a baby and little boy. He was so precious, and I know you will be, too! Oh, and I got to bring home a tea set of your Grandma's! One day, will you have a tea party with me? (Have I mentioned I am beginning to think you may be a little lady in there?!) We also went to your cousin Kyndall's third birthday party and she wanted everything to be pink and everyone to wear pink with her. Even daddy wore pink (okay, coral)! I wonder what your favorite color will be one day?

I can't tell you how excited I am to be your mom. I have loved everything about it so far- every pound gained, every craving, every prayer, every night spent tossing and turning, every belly rub, every exclamation point, every dream, every little movement in my belly that I immediately imagine as you saying hello, everything. Thank you for making me a mother- I am so glad I get to be yours.

I love you,

Momma

someone please pass me the tissues.

banana bread.

Banana bread.

Yum.

I made 2 loaves on Monday and sent one to work with Danny, because those people like their pastries. Danny forwarded me an email from one of his co-workers that said, OMG, please tell your wife this is the best banana bread I've ever had. And I literally teared up when I read it. Could be because I am pregnant, but also could be that I love, love, love hearing that people enjoy my food.

So here it is. The newly re-named banana bread recipe that was passed on from my mom to me, and now from me to you.

The Best Banana Bread You've Ever Had

3 medium spotted bananas

1 C sugar

1/4 C melted butter

1 egg

1 1/2 C flour

1 t baking soda

1/2 t salt

1/2 C chocolate chips or 3/4 C nuts (optional)

Set oven to 325 and spray one loaf pan with non-stick spray.

Mix sugar, eggs & butter.

Add bananas & mix.

In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients.

Slowly add to banana mixture.

Stir in optional chips (my new fav) or nuts.

Bake for 50-60 minutes.

We lean towards 50, but do whatever you fancy! It should be brown on the edges and settled in the middle.

Enjoy!

in other news.

-Look at that husband of mine. Gosh, I love him. He is totally my best friend. And he's a DAD, too!!!!!!!!! So fun!

-Old Navy commercials are so embarrassing these days. D & I turn the channel anytime one comes on.

-Denver got groomed for the first time yesterday! He is a clean boy & that makes this mama very happy. (Don't worry- we regularly brush & wash him ourselves!)

-I think it's time for a haircut. My last 2 pictures have kindly reminded me that although I love long hair, mine isn't quite fit for the job.

-Speaking of Den, I think he knows something is up. He is sure to follow me extra closely these days. His favorite spot is right up against my legs or feet.

-It's strawberry season!!!!! Yayyyyy!!!!!

-Anyone into Parcs & Rec? Oh, it's our new favorite! I typically laugh through about 7 minutes of it until I completely pass out on the couch while Danny watches 3 or 4 of them. It's hilarious.

-I have loved telling our students about the pregnancy. One girl asked, Wait...are you due this December or December 2012??? Ha. I also found 2 retainers in the youth room that I had to put in the church's lost and found. Have I mentioned how much I love student ministries lately?!

-Banana bread with chocolate chips. Recipe coming tomorrow.

13 weeks.

Hello little one!

Well, we made it! We're in the second trimester! This week you'll be growing into the size of an apple. Did you know your daddy and I eat one a day? Every time we munch one this week we'll be thinking of you, not that we wouldn't be thinking of you anyway! Word on the street is that you may start sucking your thumb this week. Did you know momma sucked her thumb, too? Also, I'm especially careful to drink enough water these days. The amniotic fluid, the stuff you're floating in right now, replenishes itself every three hours. That's a lot of water, baby! Lucky for me I love water and I even bought lemons this week to make sure I get the job done.

Your daddy has spent a lot of time talking to you lately. Can you hear him? Just in case you can't, he tells you things like Hi baby, it's me, daddy! and How are you doing today, my baby? and I love you so much and can't wait for you to come out! The past 13 weeks have only made me fall more in love with him. One day I hope you fall madly in love with someone, too. But for now you just enjoy that teeny tiny little thumb.

My goal for this week is to find a new sleeping position. I am a tummy sleeper, but it's getting pretty clear that that's bound to stop. I also hope to get a lot of exercise in. My energy is slowly coming back and I want to take full advantage of it! I can't wait to take my walks with you in tow. You're going to be the best company.

I am thinking of you and praying for you all the time. I pray that you continue to grow strong and healthy. I pray that the rest of our pregnancy and delivery would go smoothly. And more than anything, I pray that one day you will know the love and grace of Jesus. But don't worry, honey, I'll be here with you through it all.

I love you to the moon, my baby.

Momma

q&a.

Ah, friends...It's so exciting to have our secret out!

The past three months have been such a beautiful and exciting pregnancy. Over every other emotion, we just feel so incredibly blessed. Thank you for your excitement for us and thank you for loving our baby already.

I've been asked a lot of questions in the past week or so, so I thought I'd do a little q&a here today.

1. When are you due?

We are due December 12! 12-12. Doesn't that sound dreamy? A Christmas baby- I couldn't ask for more!

2. Are you going to find out the gender?

Yes, yes, yes! About 6 weeks to go and we'll know! I simply can't wait. We have names picked out for each gender, but we're keeping that a secret until we know what we've having. (Though, we have an inkling we're having a boy!)

3. Are you craving anything?

It's interesting- I haven't really had many I-need-this-now-and-I-mean-NOW cravings. Things just sound good- macaroni and cheese, chips and salsa, bread from a local Mexican bakery, a tall glass of milk, smoothies... But I've been trying not to indulge in every little thing I desire. In my opinion, being pregnant isn't exactly an excuse to open the floodgates of junk food. What I eat, the baby eats, and that's a big responsibility! I try to get enough fruits, veggies, and protein every day. But, I won't say no to a little treat now and then, too! Oh, and anything pork-related is just a dirty word around here. Please don't mention it.

4. How long have you known?

We found out right away- at 4 weeks! We kept it a secret from everyone (yes, even family!) until this past weekend. While it was hard at times to keep it to ourselves, it was fun to have such a big secret just between the two of us!

5. How have you been feeling?

Just wonderful! I love being pregnant! To be honest, though, I had a couple rough weeks. Weeks 7 and 8 were difficult due to constant nausea and morning sickness ("morning" sickness- what a lie!). I was able to keep very little down. But it faded away and I've been feeling pretty good most days now! But the whole fatigue thing? It's so real.

Though they hadn't yet been published, I have been writing entries every week to keep track of my pregnancy. You can read them by scrolling down or by clicking the "our baby" tag on the right or at the bottom of this post.

Thank you again for all the baby love! We are just ecstatic over here. See you on Monday with a 13 week belly picture!

xo.

Danny & I are overjoyed to share with you...

a baby is on the way & we are so, so, so thrilled!

Israel- Part 4.

Well friends, this is our last Israel update! As you can see, it was an incredible experience to say the least. Thank you for journeying with us!

Shalom!

Well, it's a beautiful Sunday afternoon here! Our time here has almost come to an end. It has been a fast trip, yet slow enough for us to soak it all in.

Friday we all needed a good, hard rest from our busy time up in Galilee. We slept in (we're officially on Israel time & now we head home!) and went to the shuk. This is a large, Israeli open market with venders on either sides of a 10 foot, uphill walkway. We bought so much delicious food- pita, sourdough bread, lots of different cheeses, avocados, peaches, apples, lettuce, etc. It was quite the (crowded) experience! After this we came home and snacked on all the fresh food we had just bought. After lunch we walked back to the Old City, which is about a 25-30 minute walk. (Everywhere we go we walk uphill- this is one vacation we won't be coming home with 10 extra pounds of weight on us!!!) We shopped around and ran a couple errands before coming back home. We made a wonderful meal for Shabbat, which starts Friday night at sunset. We had some of Keith & Laura's friends over and played games until late in the night. It was just the kind of day we all needed.

Saturday morning we went to church- Danny went early with Keith for a Bible Study and I came later with Laura & Maryann for the main service, which lasted a good 3 hours! It was really neat- their congregation is made up of Christians from all over the world. It's always great to get a new perspective on the Body of Christ- it far extends our own understanding of the "church"! After church we came home, ate lunch, and took naps. After all, it was the Shabbat! After that we drove up to the Mount of Olives. We read some Scriptures that took place there, that again gave us a new perspective on the Bible. On our way back to the car Danny took some pictures of a camel. They just tie them to the sides of the road up here and let people pay to sit on them! Poor little guys. Anyhow, we ended the night with homemade pizzas.

This morning we woke up early and walked to the City of David. This smaller city is what "Jerusalem" meant in the Old Testament. The first thing we did was walk through Hezekiah's tunnel! It was one of our best experiences yet! There is a natural spring that comes out of the earth, so Hezekiah chiseled underground bedrock to provide a water system for the city. We first walked down multiple staircases, then put on headlamps, and walked through a 2-foot wide tunnel in knee-deep water for a good 20 minutes! If you are claustrophobic, this would NOT have been for you! It was really neat- wading through a 3,000 year old water tunnel! You could still see all of the chisel marks on either side and above you. It was SO cool.

Then, we walked to the Temple of Herod, who built a palace on top of the City. You'd be amazed at what has been preserved and what kinds of materials he used to built such extravagant buildings. We stood on the southern steps of the temple and read through Acts 2, which took place here. Can you imagine- those steps were the exact place that the Holy Spirit came down on Pentecost, 50 days after Christ's resurrection! After this we walked back home, uphill of course.

Tonight we'll be going to Bethlehem, which will be our final site. We'll be leaving dark & early tomorrow around 4 am to catch our flight back to the states, and back to you all!

We feel very blessed to have had such an incredible experience. We can't wait to show you pictures and share more about our adventure. See you all soon!

We love you all,

us

Sites visited:

Mt. of Olives

Text: 2 Samuel 15:13-17, Luke 19, Matthew 21

Hezekiah's Tunnel

Text: 2 Kings 20:20, John 9

Southern Steps of the Temple Mount

Text: Mark 13, Acts 1-2

Bethlehem

Text: Luke 2