what no one told me.

Sometimes, the most challenging part of the day is getting dressed. My jeans are getting snugger by the minute, my skirts hit my tummy in an awkward place, and my favorite dresses are too snug to even think about zipping. Together this leaves me with yoga pants and pajamas, which I find myself in often.

No one told me about this...sausage phase.* You know, the in between...where I don't yet have the firm, noticeably pregnant belly. Instead, I just look like...a sausage. Round all over and without any definition.

I have worked on building self-confidence my entire life. My pre-puberty chubby stage has haunted me for years, thanks to mean-spirited, yet naive, elementary aged children. Maybe some women never struggle with all the physical changes that come along with being pregnant. By the stuff that people say out there, many of them seem to just enjoy the glow and the extra plumpness in certain unmentionable areas. However, I think this stage of pregnancy would be challenging for any woman who has devoted such time and energy to making progress in the I-am-beautiful department.

The other day I had a 30-minute break down. I was sitting on the couch with Danny and I had just changed from jeans-that-better-still-fit-or-else into hello-wonderful-stretchy-breathable-pajamas. As I was sitting there, I lifted my shirt to look at what progress the babe had made throughout the day...and I saw them. Three little lines. & I completely lost it. For 30 minutes. Over stretch marks.

Danny let me cry it out. And by cry it out, I mean CRY. IT. OUT. And while I cried and managed to get out the words "...but I don't want stretch marks" in between sobs, he stroked my hair and let my sweaty forehead rest against his chest. Finally, when I was all dried up, he said, "Honey, let me see."

I lifted my shirt, and they were gone. The "stretch marks"...aka the fabric lines from squeezing into my jeans.

Ah, humility. 'Tis a good thing, no?

Well, I have since been of a more sober mind. Yes, my body looks like a sausage. Yes, it is highly likely that stretch marks will really come and be here to stay in the coming months. Yes, the pounds on the scale are slowly crawling to heights I have never before imagined. And yes, I sometimes feel like my 24-year long process with self-esteem may have back tracked a bit.

But...

Yes, my body is actually growing a baby. Yes, my body is preparing for everything from delivery to breastfeeding. Yes, my fatigue is all due to the fact that our baby now has fingerprints! Yes, my stomach really will stretch to fit a full-term babe. And yes, my belly button has never been cleaner.

Yes...it is all quite a miracle.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made... Psalm 139:14

Don't say I never told you.

*the terminology is more than perfectly descriptive. it resulted from a conversation I had with my dear friend Eri earlier this week about this very subject.