if only they were here.

Being in this new season of life has really made us mourn family members who have passed in a new, fresh way. Danny and I talk about them often- my dad, his mom, my grandparents, his grandpa...If only they were here and a sigh is typically how the conversation ends. Then we stare blankly at the wall or the front door, until we're comfortable moving on to the next thing.

This is a picture of me and my grandma. She was the sweetest, most wonderful woman. I remember walking into her home and always seeing her at this cutting board, usually chopping cilantro. She would always greet me with that big smile and a Hello mija! You look so beautiful today! If only she was here to learn she was going to be a great grandma again! I can almost here the echo of her voice saying, Oh mija, I am so happy for you!

So for now we cling to the memories. Of my dad laughing so hard milk came out his nose at the dinner table. Of his mom bringing home 6 pairs of jeans for Danny to try on, and then returning the other five. Of cilantro and birthday cakes on Christmas and big brown couches and Ritz crackers and the incomparable smell of family during the holidays.

And we keep the memories alive. Me through my dad's eyes- him through his mom's smile. And we also cling to the fact that now we will be the "grown ups". You know, the ones who wrap the presents and wash the dishes and make the holiday smells come to life. And I'll be the mom, and he'll be the dad. What a sweet reality.

Ah yes, life isn't always easy. But it sure is always beautiful.