to my mom.

Have you ever thought about the moment you actually grew up?  I have.

I come from the let-me-walk-you-outside-to-say-good-bye kind of family.  You know, where we all stand on the porch or in the drive way, waving until our loved one drives away.  Then, just when they're about to leave our sight they give us a little honk honk and then they're on their way.

Well, ever since I moved out, my mom accompanies the wave and the blown kisses with a few tears.  Oh, she'll definitely be smiling, but there are always tears.  It's been going on since my senior year of college when I moved out with my best.  Because, well, I'm her baby.  And married or not, living with her or not, she'll forever see me that way.

If I had to pin point the moment I grew up, it would be a year after that move.  When I moved again- but this time on my own.  I went to spend the weekend at home (because for some reason your parents house is always home) and knew I had to drive back to my own little apartment and, with it, my own little world.  And so my mom walked me out, gave me a big hug, watched me get in the car, watched me drive away, blew me kisses, and then the tears game.  Big gator tears.  And I pulled around the corner and gave her a honk honk.  Little did she know I had the same tears running down my cheeks.  

And that is the moment I grew up.  The very moment I wanted to stay a kid forever is the very moment I grew up.  How ironic.  

Last Sunday we visited my parents.  We drank coffee around the fire and talked about dogs, friends, work, church, and life.  Then the time came that we had to leave so we gave our hugs and my mom walked us out.  We got on the freeway and I was looking out the window, thinking to myself.  I turned to Danny and said, "I bet my mom is crying right now..."  He smiled and nodded.  I smiled too, but behind it was the lump.  (you know the one...where it feels like you swallowed either a giant cotton ball or an entire tube of cookie dough? (mmm...cookie dough...))

Mom, I know you wish you could still make my lunch everyday, have me put away the groceries after you go to the store, have a toe-nail painting party, watch The Bachelor together, play Scrabble until 11 at night, and have girl talk everyday after work.  But even though I am grown up and married and do things like mop floors and meal plan and live with a man and everything, I'm pretty sure I'll still always be your baby. (Not in a Mariah Carey sort of way, but in a Love you Forever sort of way.)

xo,

me

if i had my own twitter...

i'd be tweeting this:

-thank you for all the blog love. really. you all blew wind into my sails.

-i have had a strange, uncommon craving toward scrambled eggs for 8 days now.

-weekend, you are almost here and it is so good to see you.

-i think i forgot to mention...47 students committed to sexual abstinence until marriage last week! woot!

-pants are getting looser.

-must. drink. more. water.

-God really is so good, you know?

-really want a new bedspread. white was a bad idea.

-why didn't girl scouts ever come to my house? probably a good thing. frozen thin mints are dangerous.

-i have a hate/love relationship with being a grown up.

-1 year and 2 months until seminary is over. oh. my. goodness.

-i laughed during the entire class prayer today. will i ever be able to control my laughter at inappropriate times?!

-sorry mom, for all the times you've yelled at me and i've responded with uncontrollable laughter.

-thank you again for loving me.

we need a vacation.

Sorry I've been a little m.i.a. this week.  I started the week feeling tired in every aspect and the week hasn't helped.  Denver has a new habit of pooping in the house every. single. day.  Nothing we're doing is working (yes, he even poops in his crate).  I've also been a little overloaded on school and work.  Purity ceremony Saturday night, speaking at main service Sunday night, speaking at youth group next Wednesday night, and planning everything for next weekend's middle school overnighter.  Phew.  Oh, and someone has been leaving very mean and hurtful comments on our blogs.  Danny deleted his and I thought about deleting mine as well.  But no, this blog will remain because too much good comes from it to let someone make it extinct.  So please...

fast. day 6.

Hi there.

It's me.

I'm here on day 6, going strong and doing well. It has been quite a first week. We've discovered we absolutely hate cream of wheat without brown sugar, we I love love love cheese, corn is just so delicious, and how much our lives revolve around food. Baby shower? Let's eat! Birthday person on staff? Let's throw a breakfast party! Bored? Grab a bag of tortilla chips! Walking Den? Why not take a cup of coffee along! At Disneyland? Here, have a churro, chipwhich, and chocolate covered banana! (all foods we have never craved until this week. go figure.)

In all honesty, the first couple of days were terrible. I ended up getting a really bad headache that lasted 2 days straight. (I blame the coffee ban.) I was tired and low on energy and so sad to not know what to eat. But by Friday we were feeling strong and healthy and energetic! I'm not even craving the same stuff I was early on. (except for cheese...I am a little sad about that one.) Danny has already tightened his belt a notch and I, though I'm not sure I've lost weight, feel great.

Sunday came and went and though we are breaking our fast on the Sabbath, we ate pretty mildly. I was so excited to eat cheese. He was so excited for his favorite yogurt smoothie. The worst decision of our lives came that night. A lovely, large, luscious slice of red velvet cake (which I had taken from the baby shower the day before for just this occasion) awaited us all day. So at 9:30 at night we broke out our forks and went to town. That cake never had a chance.

But it got us back. Oh, did we pay. Horrendous stomach aches at 1 am for the both of us. What were we thinking? So not worth it. Note to selves: easy on the sugar next Sunday.

So now we're back at it. Had steel cut oats with blueberries for breakfast. A banana, whole grain crackers, a few nuts for lunch. A tangelo for snack later. And dinner tonight? Stuffed red peppers. (am thinking mushrooms, onions, brown rice, green onions, garlic, tomatoes, and spices.)

Here's to week two!

that friend.

Every once in a while you meet that friend.  You know, the friend who can make you laugh, who can make you smile, who can make you cry.  (And all within a 5 minute period.)  The friend who brings you a bouquet of flowers when you get engaged.  The friend who brings a big enough bag of cheddar popcorn to share.  The friend who swaps her best clothes with you.  The friend who sends you little texts when she knows you need them.  The friend who doesn't mind a little sharpen and will give you the same.  

Since meeting fall of 2008, Carley has become that friend.

We are so different and yet, so similar.  She is the spicy to my sweet...the sprinkles to my vanilla ice cream...the pepper to my salt.  She brings me such joy and since I've met her, I can't imagine doing life without her.

This special, beautiful friend of mine got engaged this weekend.  We've been waiting for this for months, specifically since spring of 2009 when this wonderful man walked into her life and she knew (as some of us just know) he was the one.  I've seen her fall head over heels for this man who loves her as she deserves to be loved.  I've watched him love her and romance her and adore her and surprise her (with everything from PinkBerry to getting a facebook account to a trip to our favorite store to, finally, a diamond ring!).  It has been such a beautiful process and my life is blessed to have been a witness.

And so it's her turn now...engagement, wedding planning, and marriage.  And hands down I have no doubt she is going to be the most beautiful bride on earth.  Can't wait to watch you become a wife.

So Carley girl, cheers to you!  Am so glad to know you and call you "that friend".  You bring life to my life.  And I just adore you.  

Congratulations my friend.

fast. day 1.

woke up hungry. huzzah.

breakfast: cream of wheat (made with water) with sliced strawberries.

(got to work...walked past the breakroom where I normally stop for coffee.)

lunch: carrots & grape tomatoes. a tangelo & a pear. a bag of cashews/almonds/dried cranberries.

dinner: salad...romaine, carrots & tomatoes with a vinaigrette dressing.

What are we getting ourselves into?

Happy Ash Wednesday and first day of fasting!

May the strength of God empower us all...

Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it."

i'm yours.

3rd post in a day.  forgive me.

how can I not share this little guy?  I have never seen anything sweeter.  I love his itchy nose and his smile at the end and the fact that he knows NO WORDS but is rocking the entire way through anyway.  What a rockstar.

oldies but goodies.

Last week I was having a "poor me" moment.

Since switching churches/getting married/changing jobs/etc. my friendships have looked a lot different.  Sometimes it is very sad...I miss the sleepovers and the dances (So tell me what you want what you really really want....LIZ!!!!!!!!) and the giggle attacks and the late night runs for ice cream (I have birthday cake re-mix stains on my passenger side seat as evidence) and the coffee dates and the singing as loud as possible in the car (row row row your boat...really???) and the tears and the confessions.

But then last night a friend came over (the second one in from the left, Katie (I always call her Kate), who I stole this picture from) and reminded me that those friendships are still as sweet as can be, even if we're all in different seasons now.  We can still laugh and share and enjoy just as we did back then.

So here's to girlfriends and friendships that, though different-looking today, are still just as beautiful as ever.

And thanks, Kate, for teaching me a lesson.  You're pretty good at that.

Cheers.

fast.

This is our fridge.

Danny and I have been thinking through what we wanted to give up during this Lent season. Last year we gave up sweets and were very successful. This year we wanted to do something more difficult and sacrificial. When my friend Carley told me what her and her dear were doing, we decided to jump on it.

It's called the Daniel Diet and is taken from the book of Daniel chapter 1. I can tell you all about it, but it'd be much easier for you to read yourself. Our purpose of this fast (because it truly is a fast and not a diet...but high five to the creator for the alliteration) is to draw our strength from God, do something sacrificial for him, increase our prayer lives, detox our bodies and examine ourselves spiritually. Any other benefits are secondary.

So here we go! Our fridge is stocked and we are ready for take off.

What we will be consuming:

fruits
vegetables
beans
whole grains (whole grain pasta, oats, bread and rice)
nuts & seeds
water

What we won't be consuming:
meat
dairy
white flour and all foods containing it
preservatives
artificial flavors
butter
refined sugar
high fructose corn syrup
chemical sugar substitutes
dessert (this is very sad to me.)
teas, sodas, juices, alcohol, and milk
coffee (Dan can't budge on this one, so he's limiting himself to 1 cup a day, which is a HUGE commitment for him.)

On Sundays we will be breaking from our fast and sharing in meals with our friends and family. To make it the long haul, I think this will be a healthy choice.

Starting tomorrow, Ash Wednesday, we will begin our fast for 40 days until Easter Sunday. The next few days are going to be a challenge as our bodies go through certain withdrawals, so please keep us in prayer!

And if you'd like to join in this spiritual discipline with us, please let me know! I have a lot of resources that would be good for you to read.

Happy Tuesday and a happy birthday to my favorite pair of twins.

v. weekend.

We had the most lovely Valentine's weekend. Received a beautiful bouquet of flowers first thing on Friday afternoon, went out for sushi, rented three movies, slept in, made heart pancakes, played kickball, watched the slam-dunk contest (disappointing), worshipped, took my father-in-law out for breakfast, pancakes again, napped, exercised, LOSTed, and fondued.

On top of new boots and a beautiful bracelet, Danny gave me this ring. It was his mom's favorite and she wore it all the time. And now I am blessed enough to don it on my very own right hand ring finger. I feel so special.
And just for fun, here is a Den update. Sad and wet vs. happy and dry. We love this little pup.

Happy President's Day.

on conflict.

As much as I am madly and crazy in love with my husband, there are things about him that can get on my nerves.  For example, he leaves wet towels at the foot of our bed, collects mugs, glasses, and receipts on his bedside table, chomps his gum, inadvertently slams the door every morning he leaves for work, and slurps his food (cereal, salad, soup- just about anything and everything.  who knew.).  I can bug him, too.  For example, I text way too much, won't eat dessert without him (which usually means he succumbs and eats with me, even when he doesn't really want to), can hardly make it through a movie without falling asleep, and never end up wearing the outfit I ask him to pick out for me.  Luckily, we both drink out of the carton and don't fold down the cereal bags correctly, so those things never come into the picture.  :)

Other than those little things, Danny and I are both mild-tempered and passive people.  When we get in "fights", it is usually because one of us get our feelings hurt and we keep in inside until it boils over.  But, to be honest with you, that doesn't even happen much.  We absolutely don't have this marriage thing down, but the past 6 months have been fairly easy.  So let me, an un-experienced 23 year-old newlywed who is still figuring this married-life thing out, share with you how we deal with conflict.

Yesterday I was out to my monthly breakfast with the other youth pastors in my city.  (Side note: this has become such a wonderful and safe place for us to share our struggles and prayer requests and experiences in ministry.  If you are a youth pastor and you don't have this sort of relationship with the pastors in your city, please make it happen.  It is so worth it.)  It was a great meal with great friends, but I couldn't help but be distracted by the couple at the table next to us.  They were older, maybe in their mid to late sixties.  The woman was bundled in a scarf and sweater and the man was wearing a hat and boots and jeans.  He was shaky- as hard as he was trying to pour his creamer into his coffee, it just wasn't happening.  He was spilling all over the table.  Without saying a word, the wife smiled sweetly at her husband and used her napkin to wipe it up, pour the remainder into his coffee, and stir it for him.  Then she prepared her own, getting sugar all over the table.  The man, as shaky as he was, used the side of his hand to sweep the grains onto the floor.  After he cleaned her mess, he reached for her hand.  And they sat there.  Never saying a word, just enjoying their coffee and each other.  They ate.  She let him know when he got syrup on his chin.  He let the waitress know when she needed a refill.  They ate, talked, smiled, laughed, and left...hand in hand.

It was just another reminder to me that one day Danny and I will age and grow weary and shaky and tired and grey...together.  And one day one of us will pass and the other will be alone.  And one day we'll both be in heaven and when it comes to that point, we won't even be married any more because the Bible says there won't be marriage in heaven.  What we have is so real and here and now, but one day it won't be.  So until then, we are choosing to enjoy.  I can let Danny's slurping drive me crazy, or I can choose to love him all the more for it.

We both lost a parent young.  It wasn't only a loss we experienced for ourselves, but we both watched a parent mourn and grieve the loss of their spouse.  It has given us this perspective that not a lot of people have- life is short and one day it will end.  Until then, we're going to love like crazy and soak it up and appreciate everything (every. thing.) about one another.  We are a team.  We are one.  We love Jesus and we love each other.  We are honest and vulnerable and intimate with one another in every aspect.  That is the only way we know how to deal with conflict.  

And so far, so good.

bach 2.

Our faces as we watched it go down on the Bachelor last night.

My thoughts for this week...

Gia, was the best way to get around NY really by boat? If you say so. But ABC, just so you know, you're not tricking us. If you're going to show us their photos, please make it come from the same angel and distance as their camera. We're not dummies. And poor little brother of Gia- never got his face on the air. Anyone else hear Jake say, "I just love the girl!"? Her family was less mafia-ish than I thought. Her mom really loves her- that was sweet (and she's got great legs!).

Allie, it was a little bit weird taking Jake to "meet" the spirit of your grandma. I don't mean to be insensitive but was she really "crying tears of joy" for you guys? Anyone else laugh when the mom and Jake went outside to "talk by the fire", which was really only 4 tea light candles on a picnic table?! Also, did you learn NOTHING from Ed??? I am ashamed of you. But I've got to give it to you- you've got the bottom lip pout down.

Tenley, I am really into your coats on this show. The Target rainboots may not have been the best decision, but Oregon is Oregon. Any other girl and I would have thought the lyrical dance was a little strange, but coming from you I could appreciate it. Your dad is a sweetheart and your family is just oozing with love. We're hoping you're the girl. And we're also hoping Jake doesn't wear that long-sleeved purple collared shirt. ever. again.

Vienna, thanks for carrying on the tradition of the shirts that hang off over your shoulder. Jake calls you "natural" and I will just keep my mouth shut about my rebuttal. How terribly awkward was it when her dad walked in the bedroom when they were kissing? Um. Ya. Pretty sure she would've gone home if it hadn't been for A.

Can't wait for next week!

home.

We're home sweet home! I cant' tell you how nice it is to sleep in your own bed next to your husband after spending the weekend on a crinkly little bunk bed.

Some things I learned this weekend:

-If you take the sled and go down the jump the high school boys spent hours making, they will think you're an awesome youth director.
-Retreats provide so many incredible opportunities to talk with students.
-Danny and I need to invest in some real boots and sleeping bags. I spent the whole weekend with wet feet. Uggs...what an onomatopoeia.
-Our students really are becoming true followers of Christ. And they're so bold about it. I have a lot to learn from them.
-Doing ministry with my husband is better than I ever imagined.
-Enormous quantities of food really makes me sick to my stomach. (i.e. a 3-gallon tub of peanut butter and a 2x3 foot pan of brownies. okay, well maybe just the peanut butter part...)
-I am ambidextrous when it comes to throwing snow balls.
-Cleaning the wood floors before you leave for the weekend is so worth it once you come home and realize you can just crash.

Anyhow, we're home and back to the business of life. You know, like dentist appoitnments, haircuts trims (!), laundry, meal planning, dog walking, homeworking, and dancing in the kitchen. Life is good.

There are a few things I'd like to share with you in the next few weeks. Hold me accountable to tell you about these things:
-a ministry update beyond the winter retreat
-a health update
-a new recipe (potato cheese soup!)
-how Danny and I deal with conflict
-my haircut
-the happenings in seminary
-my thoughts on the bachelor, which will be watched tonight :)

i am...

off to the mountains with 20 high school students.  

packed and ready to go.

thankful.

excited.

ready for snow, a lack of sleep, and tons of fun.

anticipating great things.

already cold.

waiting for patiently expecting everyone's final payment and medical release forms.

sad to be leaving our pup for the first time.

in need of your prayers.

over and out.

bach.

But since I don’t tweet, allow me to expand the 140 character limit (with the help of my dear Carley*).

Jake, Danny and I agree that you probably weren’t meant for this show.  Your heart is too sweet and, quite honestly, we’re not positive you’ll have success with any of these girls.  We’re proud of you for weeding out crazies (the don’t-kiss-me but do-you-want-to-kiss-me-because-I-want-to-kiss-you girl (delivered by the most awkward letter ever), the my-mom-says-its-my-turn girl (who is here for LOVE and MARRIAGE), and the girls whose names we never even found out (I can't tell you how many times we said, "Who is that girl?!?!")), but we’re still waiting for one to go.

Our thoughts so far…

Apparently these girls are too-sexy-for-their-shirts.  What is up with these oversized clothes that hang off your shoulder and half way down your arm?  Come on, ladies. 

Gia, please take that band aid off your finger.  Gross.  Also, Did you see the excerpt of next week? I think Gia is a goner the way her mom is...I don't think he is ready for a New York mafia-style family...

How ironic that V’s legs were over Jake, right after Gia called him out on it.  Don't worry, Gia, you're still special...

Vienna, you were borderline stalking Jake when you were wandering the castle.  And did you really “honey” him already?  Just chill. Also, you wear the same sweater in all your interviews.  It is confusing to us.

Anyone else get flashbacks of  “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid when Jake and Corrie were in the boat?  High five for saving herself, but I knew she wasn’t his girl. She was intimidating with always cocking her head to the side and asking Jake is he was nervous around her.  RIP….

Allie…I bet you ruined your boots.  I am sad for you.  And your amazement of a bird with a crab made me laugh.  Don't you live in SF?!  Also, straddling Jake in the middle of the park?  Hm… At least she didn’t cry and throw around f-bombs when Vienna got a rose this week.

Tenley, your outfit was classy and I loved it.  You’re my first pick- I just hope you’re ready for it.  And thanks for reminding me not to take things for granted. 

*Don’t be mistaken…we actually do talk about the Bible, theology, and ministry in seminary.  But there’s got to be something to help us get through our 14 hour school days…

if I had my own twitter...

i'd be tweeting this:

-"you can eat my salmon"...good one, Gia.
-summer intern? yes please!
-i want to have a baby
-the unlinkely disciple by kevin roose is a fantastic book
-dry lucky charms? the best afternoon treat.
-Allie, you are a mean girl.
-thank you, self, for sleeping in
-winter retreat in T minus 2 days!
-biggest loser workout- you make my butt hurt
-i hope he picks Tenley...
-homemade kettle corn tops all.
-What?! No rose ceremony?!
-Tag-team teaching this month. New & exciting & scary.
-After tomorrow am 1/4 through the semester. We can do this.
-I <3 my husband.
-Corrie is only willing to go 10%. Jake is only willing to go %80. Hence no rose.
-Dear Denver, please stop trying to eat all of our footwear.
-LOST. Have to wait til Sunday :(

our date.

We split dinner at Cheesecake Factory (because we always, always, always split).

Did some shopping.

Saw Leap Year (loved it).

Sat and enjoyed a cappaccino.

Then picked up our friends at the airport.

It was a wonderful evening.

got a little something something.
who is Dave?
all legs, all the time.
look! wedges!
his beard is getting out of control. and i just so happen to love it.