on conflict.

As much as I am madly and crazy in love with my husband, there are things about him that can get on my nerves.  For example, he leaves wet towels at the foot of our bed, collects mugs, glasses, and receipts on his bedside table, chomps his gum, inadvertently slams the door every morning he leaves for work, and slurps his food (cereal, salad, soup- just about anything and everything.  who knew.).  I can bug him, too.  For example, I text way too much, won't eat dessert without him (which usually means he succumbs and eats with me, even when he doesn't really want to), can hardly make it through a movie without falling asleep, and never end up wearing the outfit I ask him to pick out for me.  Luckily, we both drink out of the carton and don't fold down the cereal bags correctly, so those things never come into the picture.  :)

Other than those little things, Danny and I are both mild-tempered and passive people.  When we get in "fights", it is usually because one of us get our feelings hurt and we keep in inside until it boils over.  But, to be honest with you, that doesn't even happen much.  We absolutely don't have this marriage thing down, but the past 6 months have been fairly easy.  So let me, an un-experienced 23 year-old newlywed who is still figuring this married-life thing out, share with you how we deal with conflict.

Yesterday I was out to my monthly breakfast with the other youth pastors in my city.  (Side note: this has become such a wonderful and safe place for us to share our struggles and prayer requests and experiences in ministry.  If you are a youth pastor and you don't have this sort of relationship with the pastors in your city, please make it happen.  It is so worth it.)  It was a great meal with great friends, but I couldn't help but be distracted by the couple at the table next to us.  They were older, maybe in their mid to late sixties.  The woman was bundled in a scarf and sweater and the man was wearing a hat and boots and jeans.  He was shaky- as hard as he was trying to pour his creamer into his coffee, it just wasn't happening.  He was spilling all over the table.  Without saying a word, the wife smiled sweetly at her husband and used her napkin to wipe it up, pour the remainder into his coffee, and stir it for him.  Then she prepared her own, getting sugar all over the table.  The man, as shaky as he was, used the side of his hand to sweep the grains onto the floor.  After he cleaned her mess, he reached for her hand.  And they sat there.  Never saying a word, just enjoying their coffee and each other.  They ate.  She let him know when he got syrup on his chin.  He let the waitress know when she needed a refill.  They ate, talked, smiled, laughed, and left...hand in hand.

It was just another reminder to me that one day Danny and I will age and grow weary and shaky and tired and grey...together.  And one day one of us will pass and the other will be alone.  And one day we'll both be in heaven and when it comes to that point, we won't even be married any more because the Bible says there won't be marriage in heaven.  What we have is so real and here and now, but one day it won't be.  So until then, we are choosing to enjoy.  I can let Danny's slurping drive me crazy, or I can choose to love him all the more for it.

We both lost a parent young.  It wasn't only a loss we experienced for ourselves, but we both watched a parent mourn and grieve the loss of their spouse.  It has given us this perspective that not a lot of people have- life is short and one day it will end.  Until then, we're going to love like crazy and soak it up and appreciate everything (every. thing.) about one another.  We are a team.  We are one.  We love Jesus and we love each other.  We are honest and vulnerable and intimate with one another in every aspect.  That is the only way we know how to deal with conflict.  

And so far, so good.