good morning

There is something so delightful in an un-made bed.  

I love slow, peaceful mornings.

Have a beautiful day.

reason no. 9360 why I love my fiance

Because when we ride bikes late at night (lately we have been riding everywhere we go) and I see a piece of furniture on the side of the road that I love and want to restore, Danny doesn't wait until we can drive back to pick it up. Oh no, he picks it up and carries the stinkin' heavy night stand with one hand as tries to balance himself with the other for the last mile home. (That site is going on my top 5 list of funniest things I've ever seen!) Then, he goes to home depot and picks out my favorite color (goldenrod) and paints it for me. Plus, he's just as excited as me to pick out some sweet knobs!

Oh, how I love this man...

nine pounds. continued.

I saw Mr. S. this weekend.  (we are not on a first-name basis, nor will we ever be for that matter)  I hadn't stepped on him since my doctors appointment and hadn't even stepped on one for months before that.  My heart jumped, my stomach dropped, my mind kept asking, "Do you really want to do that?"  I replied with, "Yes."  So I stepped on, held my breath, closed my eyes, mustered up some courage, and looked down.

What I saw?  The same weight as always, plus a pound.  (I say it's a pound of love, but it's most likely from my birth control or that box of lemon girl scout cookies in the cabinet.)  Hm.  So either A- I lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks (highly unlikely for a girl my size) or B- the scale was wrong earlier.  Either way, I realized a few things in this entire process...

First, my weight shouldn't define me or my self-worth.  

Second, I never want to own a scale.  It is dangerous and obsessive (for me).  I'd rather go without it and judge myself off the way I feel and whether or not my clothes fit comfortably.

Third, it doesn't really matter, does it?  I feel pretty good, I am healthy, and I exercise.  

Fourth, I should lay off the lemon cookies once in a while.

Fifth, biking to and from my errands is a must.

And last but definitely not least, I am glad I posted nine pounds.  We weren't made to do life alone.

what i learned this week

don't condition before you shampoo, even if real simple tells you to.

(unless you want one big frizz on your head)

when a dear friend leaves a message to call them back right away, do it. they might be flying out from NC for your bridal shower.  or another one might be pregnant.  either way, call them.

making a casserole dish of chicken enchiladas will feed you for nearly a week.

riding your bike to do your errands is the happiest way to exercise.

keep up to date on wedding thank you cards so you never get overwhelmed.

frozen yogurt is my friend.

Danny and I bear burdens together.  when he hurts, I hurt.  and vice versa.  and that's how it should be.

i need to find a way to stay up to date culturally without a television.

next time i should just spell out "100" in frosting or something.

nothing makes me happier than hearing Danny pull up to our house after work on Friday.

happy weekend...go learn something new.

f.y.i.

100 candles = 

1 huge flame = 

lots of melted wax = 

1 ruined cookie =  

still 1 happy couple

Happy Thursday!

100

step 1:

make a big heart cookie.  

mini chocolate chips?  check.

doughy middle?  check.

strange and imperfectly shaped?  check.

step 2:

buy candles.

100 of them, to be exact.

step 3:

place them in cookie.

step 4:

wait for fiance to come over.

step 5:

light candles.

try to avoid finger burns.

step 6:

celebrate 100 days left until you become husband and wife.

cheers!!!

my journal and i

You see, we have an intersting relationship, she and I. See here. And here, just a few weeks later. And, to be quite honest, my journal writing since has been pretty non-existent. So much for that relationship...just a good intention gone wrong.

What is it about this lack of motivation? (do you ever get it too?) When I got stuck writing throughout elementary school I would go out and beg my mom to buy me a new Lisa Frank pencil. Or, in high school, a sparkly gel pen. Or, in college, a fine-tipped Sharpie. Anything to help me get the juices flowing.

This time...well, I needed a different inspiration (because Spotty Dotty hasn't been cutting it since 2nd grade, gel pens are out, and my budget doesn't allow for new sharpies every week). Something simple, something pretty, something that can sit right on my new (to me) mint green night stand, something that doesn't pressure me to write daily, something that I can make lists in (oh, how I love listing), something that makes me smile, something that motivates me to keep track of everyday joys.

Many applied for the job, but this flowery beauty was the winner.

So, dear journal, shall we give it another go? You be you, I'll be me, and when we meet up we'll have a good time. No pressure to move to the next step. No real commitment, just a date now and then. Yep...sounds good to me.

We'll be in touch.

reason no. 3958903 why I love my fiance

because of they way he looks at me...even when i'm being silly.

goal for the week: write daily.

nine pounds.

Yesterday afternoon I sat in Starbucks with one of the girls from our high school ministry.  Our conversation transitioned from school...to friends...to boys...to God...to self worth.  Then it stayed there for a while.  We talked about the reality that no matter how much we find our identity in Christ, self esteem and body image is still a constant struggle.

Then this morning I had my second appointment at the gynecologist.  The doctor wanted to check in with me about the birth control I've been taking and make sure I wouldn't be on my period for the wedding.  (Because let's face it- we've waited all our lives for this and who wants to wait another week once you're married?!?)  The b.c. has been pretty good to me- besides being nauseous now and then, there haven't been many side effects.  I thought.

I got on the scale today and held my breath as the nurse kept moving the weight reader to the right.  I gained nine pounds.  Nine pounds in 3 months.  I thought I may have gained one or two, but I would have never guessed nine.  I cried right then and there and even as I type these words there is a huge lump in my throat.

What's ironic is that I have been feeling good about myself lately.  I've been exercising regularly, eating well, and I feel physically strong and healthy.  Just because the scale reads nine pounds higher, will that change?  To be honest, it might.  I've always felt hypocritical in this department.  I tell teenage girls all the time that they are beautiful regardless of what the world defines as beauty...that they are a masterpiece in the eyes of God...that what society deems as attractive is twisted and unrealistic.  And then I go home and have the same struggles as they have.

I guess I am sharing this because this blog is a place for me to be honest with myself and honest with all of you.  I am broken and sinful and vulnerable and weak.  I know my weight doesn't define me.  I know Danny thinks I am beautiful and perfect.  I know God has crafted me just as I am.  Despite knowing and being sure of God's truth and the value I have in him, I still struggle.  I probably always will.  But God is good all the time and I will keep striving to dwell in this goodness regardless of what the scale says (and how snug my jeans are).  

Please help me, friends, as I seek to live in light of God's truth.

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

PS In case you're wondering, I am going to continue taking the pill.  I am paranoid about getting pregnant.  However, Danny and I have already decided upon an increased exercise routine.  All will be well, with or without the weight sticking around.

i am alive.

Can I tell you a secret?

I'd like to write a book in my life...even if I bind it with my own two hands and gift it to my children one day. I realize that sharing this with you makes it that much more likely to happen in the future, and I am okay with that.

My book might be a list of my 1001 favorte things. Or it might be about the lessons I have learned throughout my life. Or it might be for young women seeking Christ.Or it might be a jumble of random thoughts and ramblings. Or it might be about being a wife or a mother.

Or it might just be centered around seasons. Seasons of life, seasons of our spirituality, seasons of nature.

I love Spring. The air is fresh, the birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, snow is melting, trees are growing, and I always feel like there is a literal spring in my step. I feel light and refreshed. But I think what I love most about Spring is that it reminds me of new life.

2 days ago we celebrated Easter. One aspect of Christ's resurrection that always excites me is that we have risen with him! Maybe you've experienced it before:

you were blind...now you see
you were deaf...now you hear
you were lost...now you are found
you were hurt...now you are healed
your heart was hardened...now you can love
you were dead...now you are alive

It's not that you have it all together or know all the answers. It's definitely not that you are flawless or live a perfect life. It's that regardless of life's circumstances, you have hope and belief and faith in a God who is beyond our own understanding.

Nothing is stronger than Christ's love for us. Not our sin, not our struggles, not our unbelief, not even death. He is alive and when we find ourselves in Him we enter into a life that far outweights our time on Earth. I pray that throughout this Spring your heart finds great peace and satisfaction in knowing that the God who created birds and flowers and clouds and sunshine and wind and trees...this God loves you and gives you life.

Let's go live!

"For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life."
Psalm 56:13

welcome to our home...part 3

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter.  We sure did!  My sister, brother in-law, and nieces stayed over Saturday night.  It wasn't much of a slumber party, though- they all went to bed at 8:30!  (You're getting old, sister!)

Sunday morning we had lemon poppyseed muffins, coffee, and went to church.  Danny and I served in the children's ministry and then we all went to main service together.

After they treated us to lunch (thank you!), my sis and the gang went home.  Danny and I enjoyed our first Easter together and made a phenomenal meal to celebrate Christ's resurrection.  The menu?  Lemon pepper chicken, asparagus, corn, baked macaroni and cheese, and sourdough rolls.  Mmmm...

Anyhow, here is some more of our home (sorry for the blurry pics...).  We are still working on the bedrooms, but this is my craft corner in the guest room:

And our (or my, for now!) fun little bedroom:

Lately mine and Danny's love has grown to new heights.  I cannot WAIT to be his wife!!!!!!!!  109 more days.  

Come quickly!

 (but not too quick, because life is so fun- married or not!)

my date day

Recently $$ has been very, very, very tight, but after doing a lovely friend's hair for a wedding I had some unexpected cash to play with.  Not on groceries, not on candles, not on gas...but on a date with my Danny.  

Well, Danny usually is the one to surprise me with things.  This time I got to do the planning!  We spend the morning drinking coffee and making pancakes with a recent housewarming gift that we are just a little bit obsessed with.  (thank you, Amy!)

Then we drove to the heart of LA and visited the Griffith Observatory.  If you live in Southern CA and haven't been to the observatory since, say your 3rd grade field trip, please go again.  It was the most beautiful day and we enjoyed each other and learning about our world and beyond.  We watched the planetarium show, too.  It blew my mind.  After that we couldn't stop talking about how BIG and creative God is!!!

Then we continued our date in LA with a trip to Sprinkles.  It took about 25 minutes to wait in line for the $3.25 cinnamon-sugar cupcake, but it was well worth it. 

On the way home we stopped to buy all the stuff we would need for a tasty dinner.  It ended up being perfect and throughout the entire day we stayed completely within our $30 budget.  (How good does it feel to creatively stay within one's budget?!)

Good day.  

Lots of learning.  Lots of love.  Lots of wind. 

flowers

+5 you're awesome points if you can name what movie these flowers make me think of. 

hint: imagine sitting on your living room floor in footie-pajamas with a juicebox and bowl of goldfish crackers close by. 

welcome to our home...part 2

3 posts in a day.  Hm.

...anyway...

This is the room where we "live". 

It is warm and comfy and we love to be here.

So far the memories are...

hanging that big, heavy mirror...twice.  (him, not me...thanks love)

sliding on the floor in our socks.

having a LOST brainstorming sesh with our friends Mike & Sarah.

eating meals at that table.

sitting at the barstool I'm in right now and looking up stuff for the wedding.

hanging sconces, clocks, and curtain rods.

cold feet from the hard wood.

and a whole lot of dancing.  

because life is better when you dance through it every now and then.

:)

my bride song

The venue we're getting married at includes a live painist during the ceremony.

I have wanted to walk down to this song for a while. Here is a beautiful piano rendition...I am thinking the doors would open and my step-dad would start walking me down at either0:35 or 0:44. What do you think?!?

why denny's turned out okay

This morning I went to Denny's and met with 5 other youth pastors in the area.
It was really nasty. The coffee was stale, the oatmeal was runny, the middle school pastor who ordered the grand slamwhich (how very clever of them) almost gagged, and the waiter practically had us lift our feet as he vacuumed beneath our table. But it still turned out okay.

We talked, we shared, we prayed, we dreamed, and we brainstormed together. One high school/college pastor asked these 2 questions:
- How do you share the gospel with a generation that thinks they are going to live forever?
and
-How do you tell students who have everything that they are in need?

I walked away blessed and our conversation still has me thinking. I don't have the answers yet (will I ever?), but I am looking forward to wrestling with these and all the other ideas that are floating around in my mind.

So that's why Denny's turn out okay. And that's why I'll be going there again next month.

welcome to our home...part 1

I didn't mean for a week to go by without posting. Time has been cruising!

We spent our Saturday pulling weeds, planting, and making Home Depot runs. We feel like real grown ups now :) Pictures of our hard work to come...In the meantime I hope you and my sister will be happy to get a couple glimpses of our kitchen. (sister, I stopped mid-enchilada making to take these pictures, just because I knew you were antsy to see our home!)

This is where I will be happily washing and drying full loads of laundry:

And cooking, too:

Tonight we are having our first dinner party under the twinkle lights of the patio...complete with a crackling fire pit (thanks mom!) and cups of coffee in hand.

God is good.
All the time.