It seems that every time I get a new journal I think to myself, "Kaylyn, this is the one! This is the journal that is going to know your deepest pains, your biggest joys, your most authentic prayers, and all the glimpses you get of God."
Well, I don't have to tell you how it typically ends up. But I will. Writing becomes more of a discipline than a delight and the time between entries grows greater and greater until they just sort of drift off all together. Then I guess I feel too culpable to even pick up my pen and continue on.
A dear friend of mine gifted me a journal recently. "I know how much you like to write!" she explained with excitement, confident that this was the perfect present. Here returned that guilt. I haven't journaled in months. Yikes. But I responded with a girn knowing that, yes, this was the perfect gift.
I've always dreamed of writing throughout journal after journal, capturing certain aspects of my life like my ministry experiences, my love story with a man, my love story with Jesus, childbirth, and all the other joyous occasions in life. I've imagined my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren flipping through the pages of my life, reading in anticipation of what God did next. I must say I am ashamed that there are more gaps in my life than recorded events. But, being the eternal optimist that I am, this will soon change.
I wrote my first entry yesterday morning. I filled only one page, but I sat there for a while afterwards, flipping through all the blank pages behind it and imagining all the words that will fill them. It brought me a lot of joy and I hope that this journal really is the one.
It's been awhile since I have journaled as well, but I did journal daily in college as I grew closer to my Jesus and as I met, courted, and married Brent. I treasure every single word in those journals and I love reading again how God answered all my prayers in Brent.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up- you'll cherish it! :)
Enjoy your journal kay! I hope that writing in a sense becomes part of your struggle for survival.
ReplyDeleteP.s if you start to feel discouraged about your lack of journaling remember when Jesus writes: DT 31:19 "Now write down for yourselves this song and teach it to the Israelites and have them sing it, so that it may be a witness for me against them. 20 When I have brought them into the land flowing with milk and honey, the land I promised on oath to their forefathers, and when they eat their fill and thrive, they will turn to other gods and worship them, rejecting me and breaking my covenant. 21 And when many disasters and difficulties come upon them, this song will testify against them, because it will not be forgotten by their descendants. I know what they are disposed to do, even before I bring them into the land I promised them on oath." 22 So Moses wrote down this song that day and taught it to the Israelites. Hope this verse encourages you:o)
ReplyDelete